Inspiration for the book "Morgan is an Angel"

Where did this book come from? Well our daughter passed away at the age of 5. She had a rare form of brain cancer. Often as parents we wonder what our children are doing. Like when you send your kids off to camp or to stay with family out of town. We can pick up the phone and talk with our kids to see how they are doing and what they have been up to. Well, of course we have no phone that can reach to heaven to talk to our daughter. All we have is prayer. So one day as I sat in such grief I simply cried out to my daughter asking her 'What are you doing, who are you with, are you happy, are you ok, what are you seeing"? While all those questions came pouring out in a million tears, I heard a giggle. Then I heard my daughter's voice saying "hi my name is Nasya and I'm an angel yep you guessed it a real angel" This just kept playing in my head, so I grabbed my laptop and I typed out those words. Once those words were typed I began to hear my daughter start to tell me this amazing story. I typed out everything I heard and the book was written. I have written 4 books total and each one came to me just like that. I heard my daughter talking to me as if she was sitting right beside me. Some may say it's my imagination. Regardless, it definitely made me wonder just how close heaven really is. Could that really have been my baby sitting right there beside me? Telling me this amazing story just as if she would have, had she still been alive? You see my daughter was telling stories all the time. It was her favorite thing and her stories were pretty darn good. We often joked about writing a book called the stories of a 3yr old. So rather it was her or if it was all made up in my mind I can definitely say these stories have made me feel so much closer to my daughter. It has helped me look at her death in a different, less sad perspective. To be able to write it out, actually picture what she is doing and feel her within those words has helped me heal in so many ways. I feel this book maybe able to help others with grief as well, even just to bring a little fun to that kind of sadness. I believe maybe it could be a conversation opener as well for the afterlife . I don’t feel we talk about it as much as we should because the sadness that comes with that kind of conversation is hard to put into words for people. I remember when our daughter was fighting for her life we found it so hard to find material fast on childhood death and afterlife of any kind on a child's level to be quite honest. Maybe this book will be a trigger to some maybe not maybe it could be a blessing. I don’t know, what I do know is it has definitely helped me heal and feel closer to my daughter. I never thought about death like this before. I have never lost anyone so close to me. I have lost grandparents , but they were sick and it was something I was already prepared for I guess to say. I mean, we all expect to lose a grandparent of old age at some point so its not a shocker but when a parent loses a child that makes no since at all. at least not for me. Losing a child is a type of pain I can't really explain. It is a constant sadness and constant feeling of something is missing. A constant longing for something. When our daughter passed away, so many things began to start happening around the house. Things like, objects coming up missing and then showing up in the oddest places or places everyone looked, yet would show up there later in plain sight. Things like, the television would begin to flip channels for no reason or anything electronic pretty much would act crazy with no explanation as to how. Our dog would act crazy running around as if something was right there or It would look like he was being petted or played with. We would experience things like pennies being left all over the house no matter how many time we knew we had picked them up. One of the biggest things we experienced was with birds. It seemed like out of nowhere birds were everywhere and the craziest things with birds would happen. One time a group of us was driving down the highway and a flock of birds formed a line formation and landed on the road like a rope crossing the entire highway. Once they landed they stayed put until we got right up on them and then it was like they dispersed into thin air. I mean they didn’t, obviously they flew off. What made them come together in that one split moment, land as a team, then just scatter ??? A lot of bird stuff like that happened. My daughter loved animals and birds happen to be one of them. One day we had been visiting friends and they had birds. They had let one of the birds out of the cage to play with Nasya. This yellow bird flew up and landed on my daughter's shoulder. Now let me tell you, I am afraid of birds and Nasya knew this. So Nasya being her silly self, she moved towards me which caused the bird to fly at me. Of course I jumped and screamed a little and she laughed so hard. She asked if she could have a bird and of course I said no. To me these birds are her way of saying " Hahah mom I have all the birds I want here in heaven. So after we kept experiencing a lot of this stuff I began to hear people tell me how our loved ones come and visit and they leave us with these signs to get our attention letting us know they are still ok. I never thought of that, before losing Nasya and now I find myself actually looking for signs from her all of the time. God is a huge part of my journey and keeping me going. If I ever feel lost one thing that always pops in my head is that god makes no mistakes and that even though our prayers are not answered in the way we feel they should be answered doesn’t mean god isn't hearing us it just means god has a bigger plan than mine. I remember the days following the death of my baby I didn't want to live anymore. It didn’t make since to. How could she have to hold my hand for 5 years of her life, having me protect her from everything only to no longer be able to do that? I mean, how can she go into heaven all alone? I thought she must be so scared without me there holding her hand. I just wanted to be there, right there holding her hand. As a parent we think we can protect our babies from the world but what happens when we can't do that? What happens when we realize we are not in control of anything really? I couldn't save our child from cancer. I couldn't protect her from the experiences she would face the last year of her life. The only thing that could see me through any of that kind of questioning and guilt was god. God is the one and only thing that spoke in my ear telling me I am not alone and losing my daughter was only the beginning of where my journey was taking me. He said, I have to have faith knowing the plan he has for us and how he plans to use us to carry out this plan is bigger than I can even comprehend. I felt a warmth of love wrapping around me to the point at which it felt as if my body was vibrating from the inside out. I felt everything within me warming up and begin to vibrate yet, my body itself wasn't moving at all. I have had some tell me that was the holy ghost coming over me. For me I don't know but what I do know is god was with me at that very moment making sure I knew I was loved, not alone. That my baby was protected and surrounded within that kind of love as well. I began to understand God in a whole new way that day. I tell everyone that Nasya saved me. What I mean by that is in her death I found God and not only did I find God I found an entire new way of thinking. When you suffer loss like this you have 2 paths that you can go down. One path will take you down on a road of love and growth. You can find a deeper understanding of life and who you are. The other is dark and full of sadness, fear, guilt, anger, despair and aloneness. You can really get stuck in these emotions and it can be so hard to find happiness and peace again. The thing with that path that I find so scary is life can stop for you. Life is about growing and learning and if you're not learning from what you are going through then you're not living. I mean think about it, even in our worst moments and trials we can now look back and have a feeling of knowing we are who we are today because of what we faced yesterday. At least for me that is how it is. I know we all have a different perspective in life and how we view things are all different so I won't pretend to think this is how it is for everyone. All I can do is share my perspective and show you just how it changed me and how in my most saddest moment of life I found God and I began to truly find myself. I do believe everything is in Gods timing. Just like with my book "Morgan is an Angel", I wrote that not knowing what to even do with it. I took out a plain white piece of copy paper. I wrote on the first page the title of the book and wrote written by Kathy Morgan. I cut and copied each page text and placed it on each individual page as I seen it being read in my head. There was no fancy pictures or fancy layout just a make shift book I put together. I had no idea what god had planned for me. I kept it on a shelf for years. I would pray and ask god to help guide me on getting it published. I saved every link I came across, from self publishing, to illustrating, to how to make and print it all on my own. I reached out and asked for quotes from illustrators and publishers and nothing ever panned out. At one point I felt lost, I asked god "why show this to me and have me do nothing with it"?. So I just left it alone and didn’t think about it again. One day my husband came home and with so much excitement he told me he found a way to get my book done. It was now 2019 and the book was written back in 2015. Looking at the timing right now and seeing how the book came out made me realize maybe it is true everything must happen in gods timing for his plan to be carried out the way it is meant to for the good of all. So many things in the world is changing. The world we once lived in a few years ago is no longer. We are facing a pandemic that has altered the way we live. We have been forced into isolation, separation and all rules that applied to life before seem to have changed over night. With all this change it has brought on a fear within us all on some level. Peoples lives are being changed dramatically as families are dying of this virus. People are facing grief on a collective level as they see more and more families being hit by this. Children are losing both parents days apart, some are losing their siblings and parents all within days of each other. Loved ones are being dropped off to hospitals not knowing this would be the last time they would see their loved one. They go in with difficulty breathing, put on ventilators and not waking up. They are alone, with maybe a nurse there holding their hand. People are being left feeling lost with no closure as they didn’t get to be there to say their goodbyes. Tensions are rising from race, religion and political views. To me it seems this world is so divided and in the need of God more than anything. I feel the fear has a hold of so many that they are missing the love that they actually have sitting around them. Maybe bringing out new perspectives is just what god wants to do to help open people back up to love and pull away from the fear. Maybe this book could play even just a little part in the grand scheme of things to help spread love and happiness. Maybe it can help those who have lost loved ones recently to the pandemic see a brighter view of death. I mean I can't say, only God has the answer to that. I just feel this book can be a good tool for those who are grieving and maybe a way to open the discussion up about life after death.

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